- Is your partner threatening or violent toward you or the children?
- Do you make excuses or minimize your partner’s behavior?
- Do you feel completely controlled by your partner?
- Do you feel helpless, trapped, alone and isolated?
- Do you blame yourself for the abuse?
- Does your partner blame you for his problems?
- Do you blame stress, drugs/alcohol or a bad childhood for the abuse?
- Does your partner constantly accuse you of having affairs when he cannot account for every minute of your day? Does he tell you that jealousy is a sign of love?
- Do you fear going home?
- Are you limited in your freedom? Does he time your trips to the store and back home?
- Do you lie to hide your partner’s real behavior? (Do you say you fell down the stairs when he actually pushed you?)
- Are you embarrassed or humiliated by your partner’s efforts to control you, especially in public?
- Does your partner abandon you, leave you places, or lock you out?
- Does your partner hide your keys, mail, or other important papers?
The Phases of Domestic Abuse
- Pre-battering: Verbal abuse, hitting/throwing/breaking objects, making threats, increased tension, anger, blaming and arguing. Almost 100% will resort to battering.
- Beginning: pushing, grabbing, restraining.
- Moderate: slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling hair.
- Severe: hitting, choking, beating with objects, use of weapons, and rape by intimidation, threat or force.
- The Calm Phase: Abuser may deny or rationalize the violence, apologizing or promising not to repeat the abuse.
Domestic abuse may alternate from tension building, where the victim is walking on eggshells to avoid abuse, to the apologetic and remorseful abuser after each violent incident.
The “Sweet Baby” Syndrome (how he gets you to come back):
- The Honeymoon: Any bribe to get you to come back (“hearts and flowers” phase)
- Super-Dad: Abuser says he will be a great dad if she returns.
- Revival: This is not really a valid revival or salvation since he probably does not attend church regularly.
- Sobriety: “If he can stop drinking, he will stop abusing me.” (Drinking does NOT cause abuse.)
- Counseling: “I have gone to counseling, I won’t do it anymore.” (Long-term counseling is needed and less than 1% voluntarily go. An abuser MUST want to change his behavior.)
The abuser must take responsibility for his violence and must want to change. He must go into treatment without the victim. He goes with NO STRINGS attached (“I’ll go if you come back.”)
NO ONE deserves to be abused. Once the violence occurs, chances are it will occur again and again.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-888-411-1333
To report abuse: 318-992-2151 (LaSalle Parish Sheriff)
Victim Advocate: 318-992-2067